Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What I know about myself

Let's begin.....

For starters my name is Abby Brown. I am 21 years young and I get mistaken for 15 almost every day. I live a pretty boring life. I get up get my 3 year old son dressed and fed for school, I come home get dressed for work, I go to work, I come home, I eat supper, I shower, I read Tristan a bed time story, and I go to bed. My life is ordinary. My life is boring.
What I know about myself is this: I have a million regrets, but only a hand full that effect my daily life. I love my son with all my heart and would never change anything about him. He is amazing. I have one true friend who I would not give up if I had to. Hannah will always be there for me. I have a boyfriend, his name is Rory, we stay in touch via cell phone.
I feel like my life could have been something way more important. The kind of life people want to have. The kind that I want to wake up to everyday.
This may seem depressing, and well that is because it is. My life has yet to amount to anything. I was always seen as the girl who could sing. Then it was the girl who could play soccer. And after that it was the girl who had the kid at 18. That last one isn't one of my regrets though. My regrets are more deep than having a child at a young age. My regrets are not becoming the person I know I could have become. I'm 21. I feel stress on a daily basis. I feel like an unaccomplished person. I feel angry at myself every other hour. I feel alone...
I have all these people around me, and yet I do not feel like they are listening to me or taking me seriously. And I don't know what to do about it. I'm 21 and I have no idea what I want out of this life. Am I the only one who feels this way? Surely not, but why do I feel like I'm the only one who hasn't figured "it" out yet. Whatever "it" is...
What I know about myself is this...
I don't know who I am yet.